What is “normal”? When you are told to act normal what does it mean? Is normal defined by the culture and time period you live in? Or is normal more micro – normal inside your family is the real normal.
I’m not so much struggling with the concept of normal as much as the pursuit of it in the context of my own life. What normal “was” and what normal “is” are vastly different. Normal a few years ago was the gym, healthy eating, fun, stress-free life. A couple of jobs changed, a wife, kids, and some other stressors and normal has changed dramatically. Normal now seems to be grumpy, lazy, careless, and just a depressing outlook on life. Normal today sucks.
Although the epic shift in normal didn’t go unnoticed by me – it did however go untreated. Instead of making wholesale changes to the negative life choices I was making, I instead decided to ride the wave out – expecting any moment that I would get my act together and life would bounce back to normal again. But that bounce never came. I never went magically back to that healthy fun-loving guy. I instead bought into the dad-bod and decided energy drinks and donuts were worth more than my happiness or my families’ wellbeing.
I don’t know what’s been worse – trying to explain to myself what happened or looking at my wife and trying to decipher the horrible outcome that is me. I see the sadness in her eyes when we talk about it. To her its plain and simple – stop doing the bad things and do more of the good things. I myself even realize that simple truth. But anyone that has struggled with food or weight might share in the horrible feeling I get – this quicksand of guilt and eating.
For three years now it’s been a back and forth battle. I know there is an issue, I know how to solve it, I take steps to solve it, and then BAM – one reason or another it falls apart.
Right now I’m in the middle of trying…again (story of my life). As we speak I can tell you what I need to do and how to do it. I have water and an apple sitting at my desk. I am going to take a walk at lunch. This week I plan on going to the gym Tuesday – Sunday without exception. Will my will-power hold up? Will I stay away from all those horrible foods? Will the love I have for myself and her win out finally? Will I take this chance to finally find normal again?